Thursday, December 3, 2009


Ben called me tonight.

CS: Hello?

BR: Hi please don't hang up I'm calling to apologize.

CS: Sure man. It's no problem.

BR: I'm not trying to make excuses or anything. I'm not... dealing with this well. I don't want to come out on the other side of this as an alcoholic. I can't let go, you know?

There was a pause.

Sometimes I hear her voice. Not like she's talking to me. I'm not saying that. But sometimes I hear, like something she said before, or something. Except it's so clear, like she's in the room. Like a really delayed echo.

CS: She's irreplaceable. I get that.

BR: You know when someone takes your picture with a flash, and you have a spot right in the center of your vision for a few minutes?

CS: Oh yeah.

BR: Well she's that spot in my eyes, right in the way of everything. I can't even have a thought without her in it.

CS: I never thought about it that way. Hey, for what it's worth, I'm sorry too. I don't really know what to say most of the time. Whatever you need through this, just let me know, ok?

BR: Yeah sure. Hey I'll call you back.

CS: Ok, man. See ya.

BR: Bye.